This month, I thought I'd share something that I find encouraging rather than an insecurity. That thought is simply that I'm doing what I always wanted to do, and I'd guess that it's the same for a lot of writers. It's not a race to some far off finishing line of achieving something, but an on going situation where you have.
What do I mean? It's simple. When they asked me what I wanted to do as a child, I wanted to be a writer. I didn't say that, because I didn't think it was conceivable that anyone could just decide to be one, or that they could make a living if they did. I decided to be a solicitor instead, or a civil servant, or a lecturer.
But the truth was that I wanted to be a writer. Notice the simplicity of that desire. Children want to be writers. It's the adults who talk about major successes, bestsellers, and the rest. I've never had a bestseller in my own name. I've written them for others, but I suspect that whatever it is that makes things bestsellers, I don't have that in me. My novels tend too much towards the funny and the weird for that anyway.
But the thing is, I'm making a living through my ghost writing. I'm a writer, and I'm in a position to go on being a writer. I could be upset that I'm not Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams, but those are more recent dreams. The child who just wanted to make things up for a living would be perfectly happy, and that's enough.