Monday, 21 May 2012

Lightning Flashed



I took part in this last year, and it's great fun. 300 words maximum, starting with the words 'Lightning flashed' I was going to do something deep and meaningful, but then two of my recurring characters showed up. Enjoy.


Lightning flashed when the doorbell rang, as seemed to be usual here. It was all these dark and stormy nights they kept getting, or maybe just an inevitability when on holiday in this particular corner of the League of Ultimate Evil, in a small but gloriously spiky little castle-ette. A real home from home, in fact. Either way, Edwin the Moderately Unpleasant didn’t stir from his chair behind the ebony desk, carved with scenes that made Mrs Ormeroid the cleaner have one of her turns when she looked too hard. As she did surprisingly often for a woman of seventy.

What would it be this time? Some creature pieced together by an inquiring mind that saw merely being in bits as no challenge to a world containing cellotape? Some nosferatu thirsting for the blood of virgins and liable to make a run for the door if his cousin Sandra got hold of him? Possibly adventurers, though you didn’t seem to get so many of those out this way. Instead, it tended to be more lost souls driven mad by nameless horrors, or possibly just by their map reading skills.

Edwin closed his copy of the latest Lucy Delane romance as his official hench-goblin Tilesbury stepped into the room. Tilesbury made the usual effort at servile capering, but eventually settled for his inevitable crisp bow, the tails of his ridiculous long suit jacket scraping the floor.

Edwin tried to look imperious. “Visitors, Tilesbury?”

“Yes, Sir. Forgive me if I was a trifle slow on the door. I was helping Young Master Vilhelm in the tower with his lightning rod.”

Edwin coughed. “Your private life is your affair, Tilesbury. What is it? Nameless Horrors from Beyond? Things?” Edward shuddered. “Market researchers?”

“Worse, Sir.”

“Worse? You don’t mean…”

“Yes, Sir. It’s your mother.”


24 comments:

Cherie Reich said...

Thank you for entering my 2nd Annual Flash Fiction Blogfest! The six finalists will be announced on Friday, May 25th. I will further comment on your entry on Thursday.

Summer Ross said...

This made me giggle. terrific entry. Love that last line!

Jake DeTrempe said...

Ha, nice! I want to know more about this guy!

Amy L. Sonnichsen said...

Ha ha! This is fantastic. Good job! :)

Chris Fries said...

Charming bits of comedy deftly woven into this one. Very nice!

Christine Rains said...

This made me laugh several times. What a fun and imaginative story. Bravo!

Laura said...

Haha, fantastic! Loved the last line.

L.G.Smith said...

So when you say lightning rod...ohhh, I see. Carry on. :P

Ha! Fun entry.

Andrea Teagan said...

haha, awesome! This was so much fun to read. Loved the humor in this. I want to read more about these characters. Edwin the moderately unpleasant.. that is great. Where can I read more?

Andrea

Heather Murphy said...

LOL, I love your twist at the end!

Danielle B. said...

Bahahahah! Great ending!

M Pepper Langlinais said...

Love this! It's great!

~MPL, PepperWords

Crystal Collier said...

More people need to write with a sense of humor. Great characters, great world, and wonderful piece!

Donna said...

I almost didn't read it... ALMOST... but then I caught sight of "gloriously spiky little castle-ette", and knew this was going to be different. Loved it lots. I could read this and more of it, because I am Donna, the Moderately Sharp Witted.

Allison said...

haha, good use of humour.

mshatch said...

Ha! Loved this :)

Mary Maddox said...

Now that I've managed to stop laughing, I have to say this is the funniest story I've read in a while.

Michael Pierce said...

Oh the horror! Very funny ending and fun entry.

Tyrean Martinson said...

This is hilarious!!! Great story, I loved it throughout . . .although what started me smiling was the "gloriously spiky castle-ette". Great descriptive language.

Cherie Reich said...

LOL! Loved the ending! Great names too, such as League of Ultimate Evil and Edwin the Moderately Unpleasant. This definitely gave me a chuckle.

I'll announce the finalists tomorrow.

Misha Gericke said...

Hahahaha I love this entry. Your voice in this flash fic is awesome.

Jennifer said...

Lightning rod-he he. Love it.

Mina Lobo said...

ROTFL, hilarious flash! I hope there's more of Mr. Moderately Unpleasant's story to come. :-)
Some Dark Romantic

Adam Gaylord said...

Great story! Mine got a little out of control and ended up a bit longer than 300 words. Check it out:

http://onfictionwriting.com/lastmonthwinner/Lightning-Flashed/99/