Sunday, 1 January 2012

I'm not good at making resolutions for myself, but it does seem like an awfully good opportunity for a list, so here are a few that more heroic types might find themselves making at this time of year:

  1. Lose a few pounds. No, not through more exercise. Frankly, if the average barbarian hero does any more exercise, he'll explode. I was thinking more of replacing that sword as big as them with something more practical.
  2. Finally make enquiries into where all those maps with Xs on them keep coming from.
  3. Put some money into a decent retirement fund (one that doesn't just consist of having a dragon sit on it). You can't keep hero-ing forever.
  4. Finally master the ability to do that figure of eight thing they show in all the swordplay scrolls without having to engage the services of a physiotherapist afterwards.
  5. Stop running around after every princess who bats her eyelashes and focus on the most important relationship in any hero's life (with his double handed battle axe, of course)
  6. Continue with the anger management classes.
  7. Find a meaningful use for some of those ten foot poles they always have to carry around.
  8. For more wizardly types, learn some spells that don't involve frogs.
  9. Learn to sip drinks, not just quaff them.
  10. Finally, finally learn that just because you happen to find yourself in the company of an elf, a dwarf and a couple of hobbits, that does not mean that you have to engage in an impromptu camping holiday across all the most unfriendly terrain you can find, killing things as you go.

1 comment:

Erin Kane Spock said...

But quaffing is so much fun, especially after you throw the empty goblet on the floor.
Here are a couple more.

Learn not to drink beverages really hot women unexpectedly give them. Invest in some pants. Try sushi.