Friday, 9 December 2011

Twelve Things to get the Villain who has Everything

  1. A new and improved robot of doom. This may cause some conflict with previous models. Please dispose of your old robots of doom responsibly.
  2. Piranha. Yes, you got him them last year, but villains aren't very good at looking after their pets, and so need frequent replacements.
  3. A small, glowing rock. It doesn't matter if it actually does anything or not. Either way, it will still become an essential part of the villain's schemes for years to come.
  4. A collection of minions. Hireable at any good theatrical agent. Though mysteriously, they seem to refer to them as 'extras' for some reason.
  5. One of those certificates where you get to name a star or a planet or something. That way, they can say that at least they've taken over a world this year.
  6. Bilge pumps. Those secret sea bases tend to be quite leaky.
  7. Evil Trivial Pursuit. Yes, all Trivial Pursuit is technically evil, but generally it doesn't feature categories such as 'Famous Assassinations', 'Secret Bases' and 'Mad Science'.
  8. Five golden rings, each inscribed on the inside, with one designed to rule them all.
  9. A grooming voucher for the inevitable white cat (because long haired cats take a lot of looking after beyond simply stroking them while you plot)
  10. Evil plotter's fridge magnets. Simply rearrange words such as 'moon base' and 'laser' on any handy fridge to come up with thousands of evil plots.
  11. Voice coaching. Those villainous laughs don't come from nowhere you know.
  12. A genetically enhanced super partridge sitting on a long range missle disguised as a tree.


Jessica Silva said...

a degree in political science might be good, too.

Angeline said...

Where can I get those fridge magnets? I totally want some!

Donna Hole said...

Too cool Stu :)