Thursday, 29 September 2011

Awards You've Never Heard Of

Because I've made them up. Being a series of made up awards for all things fantasy, and thus an excuse for a list:
  1. The Big Red Eye Award for outstanding services to evil. Awarded annually to... well, whoever steals it first.
  2. The Guild of Extreme Cartographers Are We Nearly There Yet Award. For the individual who has found the most fiendishly lost city during the year. Or lost the most obviously found one.
  3. The Thing Owners Club Breeders Award. For the breeder of the best in show, with the ideal tentacle to eyeball ratio.
  4. The Barbarian Beer Festival Award. Barbarians spend so much time quaffing that they're probably the best placed of all fantasy types to award this one. Though given what happens when barbarians get drunk, T-shirts saying 'I survived Barb-Fest' aren't as common as they might be.
  5. The Humble Minion Awards. Or Squishies. Awarded in a number of categories, including most servile grovelling, fastest escape from a castle being overrun by heroes, and most gratuitous Wodehouse rip off.


Will Burke said...

I can't wait to see these awarded! The "I survived..." T-shirts should be available, but I'm not investing in them.

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Have to say that number 2 is my favorite.

Susan Kane said...

I love #7. There are so many unrecognized minions. They deserve more than being kicked, etc.

stu said...

No, they deserve an award for artistic merit while flying through the air after being kicked. And it's a 6.0 from the Kobold judge.