Sunday, 7 August 2011

In fairy stories and much fantasy, princesses are boring, or at least, presumably, quite bored. According to the traditional archetype, they sit around, waiting to be rescued, kidnapped and so forth, with little that's fun to do. Some things they could be doing to liven things up:

  1. Kissing frogs and perfecting the perfect puckering of the lips to turn them into different things (some slightly more useful than princes, which are presumably in plentiful supply in most castles anyway)
  2. Tapestry, assuming that they can get people in assorted battles to stand still long enough.
  3. Rocketry. Those pointy hats (wimples?) have to be for something, so why not nosecones?
  4. Practicing with a very sharp frisbee (yes, I know it's a chakram) so that they can be upgraded to a warrior princess in the next act.
  5. Practising holding their breath so that they can stay underwater long enough to lift a sword out of a lake.
  6. Reading Magic Mirrors Monthly to see who this month's 'fairest princess' is (the reference to which presumably makes more sense to those people who've read my story in Rapunzel's Daughters. Yes, I'm still shamelessly plugging. Just imagine what I'm going to be like when the novel comes out.)
  7. Reading all the books on evil magic needed so that they can be a witch queen when they grow up, as well as trying to work out how exactly you fit into the kind of clothing required.
  8. Coming up with more useful than usual mirror rhymes (For spread betting: Mirror mirror, sitting still, will Arsenal win the cup one-nil?)
  9. Waiting for their mirror to download essential updates.
  10. Trying to keep up with who they're technically married to this week as part of some very complex medieval style politics. This is a situation in which what a princess really wants is to stop having dream weddings.

2 comments:

Tessa Conte said...

You crack me up, really you do.

kelworthfiles said...

Fun stuff.

I've written some stories about a family of princesses in a world where the stereotypes are a bit different, and even by their world's standards, these princesses get stuck in much more active adventures than expected - running away from rebel soldiers and talking wolves and so on.