Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Bad Jobs For Fantasy Characters

In the current environment, many people are changing career path, but fantasy characters have to be careful about that sort of thing. Here are some particularly poor combinations:

  1. Wicked queen as shop assistant. She'll never be able to say that somebody looks great in what they're trying on without trying to have them killed, after all.
  2. Barbarian traffic wardens. It's bad enough that people write tickets, without burning down your entire city and slaughtering the population every time someone parks on a double yellow line.
  3. Gnome building contractors. Because not every house should look like a toadstool.
  4. Orcish fast food vendors. Actually, what am I saying? It can't taste any worse than the usual stuff bought at two in the morning from these people.
  5. Hobbit motorcycle couriers. Because not every trip should be accompanied by rampaging hordes of Nazgul trying to stop you.
  6. Wicked Witch image consultants. Mostly because they always think that small, green and croaky goes with everything.
  7. Evil overlord marketers. Their idea of a persuasive marketing strategy is to horribly torture people until they hand over the cash, after all, and the ASA would probably have something to say about that.
  8. Wizardly librarians. Not that they don't like books. It's just that I can see everything in their care quickly transforming into tomes full of knowledge man was not meant to know, which is a bit awkward if you'd just popped in for the latest Jackie Collins.
  9. Goblin party entertainers. Never trust a creature whose idea of a fun evening is a game of 'hunt the toenail'.
  10. Things. Anywhere.

1 comment:

Christina said...

Super cute list. I was laughing so hard. Very creative.