Being selections taken from the small ads section of Villains' Weekly:
Evil Queen seeks mirror for long term relationship. Must see her as fairest of them all. Must love poetry. No step-daughter fanciers.
Sword of infinite sharpness for sale. Also one scabbard (damaged). Not suitable for under fives.
Has anyone seen my monster? Answers to the name of Adam. May plot intricate downfall if called. Information to Dr. F, the castle.
Villainous ideas for sale. 2p per lb. Nothing recycled. Only genuinely evil plots. Some giant robots may be required.