Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Power of Tension Blogfest

This is for the power of tension blogfest run by Rachel Morgan and Cally Jackson. It's a tiny fragment of something I started just before my novel Court of Dreams was accepted for publication, and which I probably need to get back to. Enjoy.

Martin Adams looked them both up and down. “And if I give it to you, then you let me live?”

“Do we?” Madeleine asked. “Is he right, Lucien? I could have sworn we didn’t. I could have sworn that She said-”

Lucien raised a hand for silence. “No. You are going to die. Let us not play games on that point. Particularly since my sister seems to have the subterfuge of a foghorn today. Tell us where the item is, please, so that we can get this whole regrettable passage over with.”

Martin Adams folded his arms. “You’ll never find it.”

“Really? I think you’ll find that She is quite good at finding things.”

“Even so.” The man certainly looked pleased with himself. “It’s gone.”

Lucien rolled his eyes. “Oh, please don’t tell me that you’ve put it at the
bottom of the Mariana Trench, or surrounded it with cunning traps, or something. It always gets so tiresome when people do that sort of thing. Plus it never works, of course.”

Martin Adams shook his head.

“Given it to a dragon to horde?” Madeleine suggested dreamily. “Slid it into another dimension with just a teeny, tiny little bit sticking out to get it back?”

Lucien glanced over at his sister. “Madeleine, where would he get a dragon, when the last specimen died in a Tokyo bank vault twenty years ago? Talk sense.” Lucien thought for a moment, and looked back at the clockmaker. “You didn’t, did you?”

Another shake of the head.

“And you aren’t going to tell us what you did do?”

“No.”

“Oh well.” Lucien flicked his wrist, and a knife appeared in his hand. “I’m sure we’ll find it eventually. Madeleine?”

His sister looked up from prying the leg off a table, and hefted it thoughtfully.

24 comments:

J.C. Martin said...

Interesting excerpt. Wonder what the girls want with Martin Adams (the fact you always give his full name is intriguing too). Wonder though if the dialogue may be a bit too forced at times, with "telling" bits like how the last dragon died, etc. Still, a good piece.

Amy said...

Great use of tension, I loved it! :)

vbtremper said...

I love the name Lucien. So you have French antagonists in what sounds like a very interesting world. And I wonder what item is so important. Very tense and it hooked me. Good job!

-Vicki

Brenda Drake said...

Oh, I so love the banter between the sisters. The tension is great, I was waiting for them to get tired of Martin Adams and kill him, and then I was wondering how this poor guy was going to get away from them. wonderful! :D

Madeleine said...

Hi Stu, interesting excerpt. Martin Adams seemed very cool under pressure. Were you conveying his folding his arms and bluffing as bravado to hide his tension?

thewildpomegranate said...

Ha :) Nice! The story sounds intriquing...wonder who she wants to bash in the head with that leg???

Grace

Raquel Byrnes said...

Your dialogue is so revealing of the relationship between all three characters. I love the weird details about the Tokyo vault and dimensions as if they were accepted fact in the world you built. Great job.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Libby said...

I like that she hefts the table leg thoughtfully, nice touch!

Crystal Collier said...

=) I'm with Raquel. Great character building. Love the humor in the dialog.

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Nice entry, Stu. Sounds like an interesting bit of intrigue.

Charity Bradford said...

I'm definitely curious where he his it and how he's going to get out of this.

“Slid it into another dimension with just a teeny, tiny little bit sticking out to get it back?”

What a great idea!

Sari Webb said...

I'd love to know what they're looking for (and where it's hidden). Great piece, Stu.

Gabrielle said...

Oh, dear. I sense a torture session coming along. Poor guy. It cracks me up that the girl just grabbed a table leg... although, I probably shouldn't laugh at that! Love the little bits of humor.

Lady Gwen said...

Tell me, please, what did he do with "it"? And I'd love to know what "it" is, of course. Loved the post, full of humor and tension. Thanks!

Rachel Morgan said...

Until I read the comments I thought Lucien was a guy! Anyway, I also loved the detail about the dragon in the vault, and that bit about hiding it in another dimension - genius!

Thanks for entering :-)

stu said...

One curiosity here: Lucien is male. As in Lucien Freud. Given that I use the male pronoun for him throughout, I'm intrigued as to why so many people thought he was female.

Kittie Howard said...

Great tension and character building, Stu. Martin Adams is quite a dude. Great job!

Is there something wrong with me? It never entered my head Lucien was a female. Lucien is a masculine name.

Ellie Garratt said...

I have a Lucian in my horror WIP - love that name.

This was a great excerpt and full of tenion. You have a new follower!

Power Of Tension Blogfest

Michael Di Gesu said...

Lucien read clearly to me as MALE. I like the banter and the boredom Lucien had in his tone.

I give credit to Martin for holding out. I like the way he toys with them. Intriguing premise.

Summer Ross said...

The dialogue in the piece was really well done. great entry!

The Thumber said...

I like this - a lot. It's intriguing and tense. And leave me wanting more.

Crystal Cheverie said...

Love the banter!! Excellent piece!

stickynotestories said...

Oooh, I want to know what they are looking for and why it's so important! Great entry!

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Great tension! Love the back and forth. Pretty curious to find out what's hidden and why they want it!