Wednesday, 11 May 2011

The Hero Test

It’s something of a fantasy cliché that the hero has to undergo some sort of test before finally reaching the object of his or her quest. Obviously, when done well, this has some subtlety. But who wants to be subtle? So let’s have a proper heroing test instead, passable before they’re allowed to go around adventuring. Some things that could go on it then. Those who’ve passed the UK driving test might find them vaguely familiar:

1. Three point beheading. First, take a three headed hydra, then grab your battle axe… Don’t worry. They’ll grow back.
2. Emergency stop. When the instructor slaps his hand on your shield, you are to imagine that a pit trap has just opened up in front of you. Oh, and any solution that doesn't involve a ten foot pole is a minor fault.
3. Left hand path reverse. One for the wizard of the party.
4. Half an hour of high speed dungeoneering. Real heroes don’t muck about checking every door for traps. So anyone slowing down below a brisk jog will pick up a minor error. Of course, anyone getting their head cut off fails automatically.
5. Parallel backpacking. Stuffing as much treasure as possible into a backpack ever so slightly too small. Remember to look over your shoulder for approaching guards while you do it.

No comments: