Friday, 4 February 2011


Have you ever noticed that fantasy and sci fi types always have such repetitive motivations? It's always 'rescue the princess' or 'save the world' isn't it? (actually, there's probably a reason for that, since you need a big enough motivation to power the whole plot, but still). In an effort to spice things up, some heroic motives that you probably won't find in sword and sorcery any time soon, but might come in handy if you have any heroes making cameos:

  1. Endeavouring to make it to the great city of ... on the basis that it seems to be the only place in the whole barbarian kingdom that sells meaningful amounts of clothing beyond furry underwear.
  2. A knightly quest to find the perfect birthday present for the princess who has everything.
  3. Rescuing your heroic sidekick (all right, your pet hamster) Archibald.
  4. Endeavouring to secure planning permission for the new ducal castle from the infamous Town Hall of Doom.
  5. Having to take on endless quests to scrape a living. Thanks to the magic of continuous division, those half kingdoms aren't worth what they were.
  6. You left your front door key on Mount Evil at the end of the proper quest.
  7. Trying to do proper homage to a King who follows the medieval tradition of processing around the country, but who doesn't seem to have the hang of concepts such as slowing down enough for would be vassals to catch up.
  8. Because it's the weekend, and a spot of barbarian-ing makes a nice change from accountancy.
  9. Trying to reach the pub before it shuts (this one actually works, in a sort of reluctant hero way, if you shove enough 'proper' quests in as obstacles)
  10. Edeavouring to pass the practical exam on proper heroism (When I slap the neck of your warhorse, I want you to come to a complete stop, leap off, and rescue the nearest damsel.)


SciReg said...

Oh, it is a great post! I really like it! ^_^

Raquel Byrnes said...

This was funny. My favorite is the exam one. Kind of like Harry Potter's O.W.L.s

The furry underwear quest isn't too shabby either.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Tessa Conte said...

Would you PLEASE publish a book full of these lists? It would TOTALLY be a bestseller.

Sarah said...

Nice! Love it. :)