Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Fantasy jobs you don't hear about

It's amazing how few jobs besides hero come up in fantasy literature, really. All right, so you have farmer, blacksmith, wench and innkeeper, but beyond that you don't hear so much. Here then are a few of the other jobs that are essential to the effective running of any fantasy world:

  1. Dragon repainter. Obviously, the most fashionable colour of dragon changes season by season, but why go to the expense of a part exchange when you can simply have yours repainted?
  2. Treasure horde locator. A hero's job, you say? Since when? They always show up with an already drawn map pointing straight to the loot. Who do you think draws it?
  3. Barbarian horde travel agent. It isn't cheap moving half a million men and horses across a continent, so anyone that can offer a good package deal is onto a winner.
  4. Magic item name patenter. Everyone knows that artefacts should have unique names, but how do you stop wizards from all calling their next sword durendal or excaliber? By having someone to go around keeping records, of course.
  5. Guild den location scout. Everyone knows that thieves' guild dens should be smoky, cramped spaces at the back of twisting alleys. Unfortunately, because everyone knows this, it can be hard to find the right property at a reasonable price. Smart Guildmasters hire an expert to take the work out of finding that perfect secret base.
  6. Roadside farrier service. What use is your knight if he's stuck out in the wilderness because his warhorse has thrown a shoe? These farriers (usually in bright yellow carts, for some reason) come out to you.

1 comment:

Mysti said...

This is hilarious! I'll now be inspired to form more creative occupations for my characters thanks to this post :)