Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Presents for Villains

Even evil overlords like the holidays. Mostly because heroes are too deeply snowed in to try to sneak into the castle. So, ten presents/holiday related things a villain might like:

  1. Paper of infinite wrapping. Set it loose and watch your enemies captured with a neat bow.
  2. Crackers of ultimate destruction. When they go bang, you know about it. See also...
  3. Jokes of Doom. Reduce your enemies to groaning wrecks with these awful cracker jokes (slightly hard to distinguish from the normal ones)
  4. Crystal baubles. Tell the future. Spy on your enemies. Then hang them from the tree so that you don't lose them.
  5. Stockings of stuff. Just your basic box of everything in a handy sock form. Reach in, and you could find anything. Rumours also suggest that there may be a sack of stuff somewhere.
  6. Gloves of penguin hypnotism. Let's face it, penguins have 'Army of Doom' written all over them. These gloves make it a reality.
  7. Reindeer tracking crossbows. Because for some reason, people always seem to want to break into the castle over the festive period using the aerial route.
  8. Miniature manacles. Because the fairies always fly off the tree otherwise.
  9. A cauldron of infinite boiling (note how the word infinite makes anything infinitely more magical). Used across the multiverse. Frequently on sprouts.
  10. Extra minions. Someone has to clean up afterwards. What do you mean 'time off'? Humbug, anyone?

No comments: